


our phantom of the underground

by lenin_it_to_win_it



Category: Hadestown - Mitchell, Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera & Related Fandoms, Once Upon A Forest
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Multi, crackfic, horrible, just let me DIE, just terrible, theres no reason for anyone to be reading this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 18:16:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17166893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lenin_it_to_win_it/pseuds/lenin_it_to_win_it
Summary: the phantom kidnaps christine and eurydice dumps orpheus for being a broke ass stoner loser, so he and raowol whats this de chagny decide to work together to get their baes back! unfortunately, if they want their love to prevail, they'll have to go way down to hadestown, way down under the ground





	our phantom of the underground

**Author's Note:**

> merry fucking christmas mia i hope u choke and die

Crhsitiene daayyylmao was planting flwoers and singign opera loudly in the dirt whne A BIG LOUD SOUDN CAME OUT FROMT EH DIRT!!1!!!!! 

 

**BAWWWAAHHHH BWAH BWAH BHWAH BWAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!**

 

it was oREGON MUSIC!!!!1!

 

“gasp!” yelled christien firghtenedly, dropping the floweres and also her pantys bc the oregano music was so big sexye it made her the hron. her patns were moiste and wet lik a mooist towleete but wetter and hornyer and made of psusy. “what is this hororibly arouseing noise i am hearign from withinst the dirt????” 

 

teh dirt fel down in to a THICC ASS TRAPPED DOUR and a maskced and msysterious man in a mask came!!! ocne the guy in the maske had finshed bustin a fat nut to the overture he also emerged frum under the trap door singign a sexy sex opera about the sex. 

 

“PASSSSST ThE POInt O f haaadEStOWnNNNNN………… wer goiang WAyyYYY DOWNNNNNNNnNN…………….” he sang seudeictively and sexily while massaging tendery the mask he wore on his dick. “i am the pahntom of the opera………. brillient gieniys opeara composer…………….. with dark and msuterious secereits……………..” he flciked out hsi tougne liek a snake and likked his mask clean of the dirt. “and i kno scretis of YOURES to” he whsiepred secretionally to crihstine. 

 

“ohhghgfhknnnnhhhng thasts is big sexy” moaned christne in horor. “but alas missewer phantom-senpai i am but a humble ingeneuw who has no secreits” 

 

“nOT TROUE!!!” the phtantom schrieked in a sexcey rage! “i knowt that u hav daddy issues………… and…….. i know that ur,…………:” he made his voice in2 a quit qwhisper. “………………..an omega……..” 

 

“evrtyone knows that i hav dady issues” sad christene sadly. “but HOW do u know that im an OMEGA???” She asked surprisedly and unsuretainly. “are u shure?” 

 

the phahtnom winked horrifyinhly with both eyes and sexily licked every criveice between his teth. “becoause…… christnine………….. im a ALPHA!”  


Christnies braien was 3 hrony 4 that phat alpha not and she nutted so hard she kncoeked herself uncouscous. the pnatnom pciekd her up with his cold stanky yaoi hands that were cold like corpse ass (wich is also wat they smelled lik btw) and scooped hrer ont2 a hrose that he had stole and also had 2 cut in half to fit thru the trap dor. He put the half of the horse- the ass haf, wher crhistinee was- into his sex canoe and paddled it across the river sticks into HADESTOWN, way down uder the grownd!!!! 

 

ther was a corpse opera hosse for corpeses in hadestoewn btu no on1e went there bc they were poor and also slaves adn also uncoltured. the phatom lvied int he basement with the dead rats that he ate and onley sometiemes fucked in a hosue he builldt out of rat boens and boned rats. 

 

wehn cristine wok up he alwkwardly sang at hrer for 6 hours and then pulled a ripe pomogranite out of his ass cheeks. therew as a mask on one ass cheeke. “chrisntieneeee,,,,,,,” he wept sobbingly. “pls……et this…….. ur big digck alpha daddy comands it…….. so we can make the secks liek i totally know how to do………..” 

  
“idk dude” said chrisntine untrustingly. “that DID just come out of ur ass…”

 

“IF YUO WANT 2 EXPEREINCE THE JOYS OF THE FLESH U HALF TO EATT IT”the pahtome sccremed frustratedly. “OTHERWISE U WILL **NEVERE** TASTE THIS FHAT ALPHA KNOT!!!!1!!” 

 

chrisntniee weeped dispairingly. “o pls anyhtign but that senapi!”” she sobbed miserably. “pls do KNOT depriyve me of your fat alpha knot!!!! I wil eat ur frut,,,,”

 

“good gurl” th e phatnom purred patroniizingly and kind of sexistly patting chrisnte on the head. “eat the seeds, THEN u can eat MY SEEDS ;)))))))” 

 

chrisntein ate 6 pomoeograntite seeds and she proboblby woudl ahve eaten mor but the phatom fucked off to dead bath and beoynd to buy linenes and took the pomigritnnate with him. 

 

he reutuned with lightning mcqueene sheets and a manaiacal laugh. “MUAHAHAaAa!” he shrieiekd laugningly. “you are BOUND 2 ME 5EVER AND CAN NEVERe ESCAPE FOR u HAVE EATIEN THE CURSEDED FRUOT…… FROM MY ASS!!!” 

 

“but wy woudl i ever want 2 escape from u, my alpha senpai???” Christnie asked innocnetly in surprise. “my bodey is eager to acept ur mangificent alpha gnot. iv been bursting my slepeing bud into bloom all afternoone wating for u to get back from the stor!” 

 

“oh FUCJKCK Thaats RIGHt u Havent seen under my mask yet!!!!”! the phantom howled horrifiedily. “forget i sed anythgin…………”

  
“wahts under ur mask?” asked cirisntine suspiciosely.  
  
“ITS NOTHGIN!!!!1! SHUT THE FUCKG UP!!!!!!1!!!!” the phantom screechehd infuruiatedly. “now if u wil eXCuSE me……….. im goig to tednerly lay these lighning mcqueen sheets over my coffin bed………….. i slep in a coffin bc im so goffik, i feare nothgign, chrisntine……. not even deahth………… and ill kep my back comptletely tunred 2 u so u can snek up on me withotu me even noticeing……………” 

 

chrisntiene snuck up on him wihtout him even noticing while he was tenderly laying the lightinng micqueen sheets onto his shitty little goth bed. he put the loose shet on first and the fitted sheet on top. with her hands she riped the masks of his face and ass and she used her widdle toesies to pry the mask off his ‘pipe organ’, so 2 speak.

 

it wuz WHOREBIBLE!!!1!

 

one of hsi ass chkeeks was rosy and plump like a newborned child but the othero ne was SRHIVELED and UGLIE like a UGLY BABEY!1!!!! under the dask (dick mask) HE HAD NO DICQUE AT ALL!!!! ONLY A SINGEL SAD AND LONLY NUT!!!! (he lost his nut in The Wor in persia. he dindt fight in the wor but one day wile the war was hapepning he got it stuck in his organ and had to chew it of like a kyote.) but saddest and most tragical of all……….. beneth the mask on his face was the UGLEIST and most SADENiNG thign chriistine had EVER seen!!

 

on his forhad was the word ‘cuck’

 

“GASP” chrisitnein gasped terrifiedly. “HOW cOUdl u LIE To me snepai???? How can u be a alfa if u r also…… a CUCK??????” 

 

“DAMB YUOU,, YYU O littel PRIYING PANDORA THE EXPLOROER” the pahantom weebed sobbingly as he cried in tears on the flor “ you LitLee LyIGN deLIAR LIAR PANTS oN FIRE!!!!1! u ignroorent slut!!11 u msut hate me now 4 all my kdinapping and murdering and lying BUT” he added truumpantly. “you can never bee fre bc u have partaken of—“ he pulled the pomigrantite out of his buthole. “THE SEED” 

 

“wait u MURDER peolple TOO????” Crhistine asked horiifiedinly. “i thougt u wer just an ugly lieying cuck!!!! i didnt relaize u wer also a MURDERY CUCK!!!” 

 

“o fuCK!” th phatnom shrieked angrily at himself. “how did she fidn out abt the all the masive amounts of fmurdering i do on the daily???”

 

“bc u just sed so???” christinee asked questioningly. 

 

“wel watever u ate the seds so now ur traped forever anywyays MAUHAHAHA!!!!” the phathom scremed laughignly as he started playing dramatec organ music for ombiance. 

 

crhistien cried sadly. ‘o me and my lust for fat alpha dong,” she wept despairingly. “if only i had settled for my beta bf raowolwhatsthis de chagny…………” 

 

***

meanwile above ground orpheus was getting stoned as usuel. 

 

“god daMN it oeprheus!!” eyridice yelled angrily as she scrounged for scraps of food in the cold dirt. “can u stop doign phat bong rips and help me look 4 food so we dont STRAVE to detth?????” 

 

orpheus, who was smokign weed out of his guitar just winked romatnically. “dont wory babe we dont need food. pussys a full time diet”

 

“ya wel i cant eat my OWN pusy u adoroably stupid feminist cuck” eruridice snapped bitterly as she gnawed on a rock for nutrientce. the rock made all her teeth fal out but she found knew ones. its beter not to ask how. “wy dont u stop beign por and by me some fuckign taco bell u cheap bastard????” 

 

“but pusy is NATURES taco” orpheus protested charmignly. “and we can put weed inside ur eurydussy to make the lettuce!”

 

“all u do is talk about is pussy and w33d u peice of shit stoner!!!!!” eruruidice yelled infiuriatedly as she spat out her newfound teeth in a rage of anger. “im tirerd of ur broke ass and ur sowndclowned mixtapes and im TIERED being poor!!!! im gonna do a capitalism!!!!!” 

 

“shit fam dont say that” sed orpheus concernedly but it was 2 late. eurudice’s lust for capitialism had taken her to HADESTOWN way down under the grownd!!!!!1! 

 

orpheuus wanted 2 save her but also he hadnt smoked all of his weed yet so he deciiedded to do that first. whiel he was 420 blazing it he accidently burned down the whoel forest, michaeil crawford was there in his badger frusuit but he couldnt escpae bc he had pollyo and rrrrrheumatism and so he died and his badger nieice mischell vowed to get vengance with her big gun. 

 

“soemeday uncle corneiluis” she voewed tearfuly as she wieped the blod from her big gun. “we wil furrtilize the forest witht he bones an dflesh of the unworthy….” 

 

orpehsus saw all this but didnt take it serieusily bc he assumed he was just big stoned and hulloosinating. then his frend raowolwhatsthis de shagme who bought weed from him somtimes showed up to buy weed. he payed for weed with the sex and he layed oeprhsus in the dirt. then he strated cryin.g.

 

“MY SMOL TIDDY PREP GF IS MISSING” he wept cryingly. “CHRISITNE…… WHHAT HAS HAPPENEDNE TO U??????” 

 

“my gf is missing 2” saed orphsus sadly. “im 2 much of a broke ass loser 4 her so she left me to do a capitalism way down in hadeswton”  
  
“way down undr the ground??” Raowol asksed surprisingly. “that sux dude” he had a IDEA “i have an IDEA!!!” He ciried excitedly “wat if CHSISITINE is ALSO way down in hadewsotwn???”

 

“way down uneder the ground??” orpehus sed questinongly. “wy wold she be there? is she a capitalistic class trator like eurudiice?” 

 

“no but shes prety kinky tho” raowoul amdidted blushingly. “she might want to bone in the underworld bc its so dark and edgey and goffik.” 

 

“wel then wy dont we BOTH go way down to hasdestown way down undert he ground??” suggested orpheus excitetly. “maybee we can both find our gfs there!!!”

 

“but HOW can we brek in??” rowowol asked uncertainly. “only alpha capitalisets with the FATEST DONGS are allowed int2 hadestown withotu a ticket!!! or sometiems omegas for when the alphas get hrorny…. A couple of b list beta bitchcanoes like us wil NEVER get in legaly!!!1!” 

“then its tiem to BRAKE THE LAW” annoucned a youn girls vocie from the burned bushes around them. it was michal crowfards badger niece missile!!! (not obama) she held up her big gun “im gona march into hadestown wiht my BIG GUN and take my uncle cornleius’s soul back THE HARD WAY”

 

“o sweet do u hav any guns for us” asked orpheys curiously. 

 

mcihelle nodded solemely. “this is my lifes work” she said as she pulled out two more guns from her badger hole (take that how u will) and handed them to them carefully. “i call it a glock” 

  
“fuckin sick dude” said orpheyus happily as he stuck his gun in a bag of fresh soft weed to kep it safe.

  
“guns ar good for weaponing” sayed raowol also hapilly as he shot his gun at a heap of dirt to test it. the dirt was DED!!!!! “im so glad i hav this sick glock and not a stupit dfuking lasso or some shit how lame wold that be” 

  
“ya lassos suck” orpehys agreed noddingly. 

 

for serveal hours raowowl orpehus and mcihele talkd about how dum and lame lassos were and how only a worhtless cuck would fite wiht one, then they went WAY DOWN to HADESTOWN way down uner the ground!!!! 

 

michielel shot at everypony with her big gun and they were the died. meanhwile orpeheus kept smonkign weed and raowol kept cryining bc he snapchated chrisine a pictuer of his twink ass and she didnt reply on account of beign kdinapped. but they all made it and it wuz heckin RAD!!! wen they finally broke in to hadestown at the very end a guitirar riff that was so lame it was cool then also lame again started playing to draomamtically signal their entenrance. 

 

they saw a totoally suspsicious abandboned opera house and decidied to serch in there first.

 

“hcirisinte likes music!” raouwool declared sadly. “maybe she went itnto the oepra house to do the sexkcs with a big gdick alpha”  
  
“theyd hav 2 be ded if their in hadesowtn” sed orpheus questioningly. “do u think thers some kind of… opera gost?”

 

“that sounds patheitic and hella unrealistiic my good missoower”raorowol replied “but maybey. cirhrisitine problably WOULD bone a gost if they cold sing at her good” 

 

“ucncle corlenlius used 2 sing to me” mcihille wept softly. she wiped her tears of with her big gun then cockd (heheh) the trigger “ill c u beta cucks later, im about to write ALL these bitches a funeral mass!” she cried vengefully, runnign off to find cornelieusus soul. 

 

“eururiidice liked music to” orpreheus said bittersweetly as he and raowol went into the spooky opera basement. “but she also liked nto being poor” he strummed a sad cord on his uekelely. hHe ususaly played guitar but he had filled it with weed to use as a bong so it didtn work.

 

raowol was about to say somethign conforting but he got hit in the HED by a FRUTE!!!! “wat the hLELL” he yelled angrily and stickily as he wiepd seeds of his open neck silk shirt. “was that a pomigriante???” 

 

orpehus scraped the fruot off the ground and ate it. “ya i think so” he replied slurpily. 

 

“YOU FOOL” howled a sexy yet distincktly unfuckable voice from the distants. “NOW U CANNOT EVER BE FREE” it woz THE PAHANTOM OF THE OERAPA!!!1!!! he poped out of a trap dor yellign and criying. “NOW U MUST JOIN MY FRUUT HAREM AND LIVE AS MY SEWER TWINK WIFE” 

 

“btu i thot i was ur swerer wife” protested another voice

  
“CHITRSIITNE” raowoowl screamed excitiedly, yeeting himself down the trap door to find his waifu. “I HAVE CUM TO RESCUE U!!!”

 

“o raowool hwo iv missed ur dumb baeta face and unremarkable average cock” chrisiten sobbed tearfuly in raowls arms. “pls save me….”

 

“dont wrory babe” sed roaowl heroicially as he whipped out his glock. “i got u” 

 

the pahantom felld own the trap door with oroephus all tied up in a red rope. “SEWER WIFE!!! GAZE UPON OUR NEWEEST LOVE INTEIREST!!! A BATA TWINK!”he shrieiked pleasuredly “now we hav a alpha beta adn an omeaga!! The holey trinity!!!!!1!” 

“like FUKC is ur bitch ass a alpha” raoll protested idnignantly. “no alpha fights with a LASSO”  


“ya lassos are for CUCKS” orprheus agreed loudly while tied up in the lasso. “it worked on me bc i dropped my weed and stoped to pick it up insdtead of runnign away” 

 

“SHHUT UP SWEEWER TWINK” the phatnom yelled angrily as he kicked orprheus. “DONT DISRISPECT UR HUSBAND LIK THIS”

 

“ur not my husband” protested orpphus protestingly“do u evn vape bro??”

 

“o yes u r!!!!” The phabtonm retorted furisouly. “YUO ate the forbodding fruit and now u r forbedding to leave me! its the LAW”

 

wheile orpjeuus and the phatom argued, christiene whsipered sercreitively to raowol. “he seys its legal but wat if its not?? we need to slap his ass with a sopbponena and take him to cort!!!1!”

 

“good idea!!” said rwoowol astonishedly. “i kno just the guy!……. or shold I say…” he paused dramtaicially and looked at the camera “BEE?”

 

he shoudl have said bee bc the atotorney he was talking about was—

  
“BARA BEE BENSON??” Th ephantom roaored wrathfully. “HWHAT ARE YOuU DOING HERE?????” 

 

bara b benson, who had knocked down the phahntoms dor with his Bery Big Benis laughed seixily and rubbed his briefcase agianst his 18 sucuculent bee nipples “im a laowyer of corse and im here to take u to CORTE u SICK FUCC”he declared legally as he smacked the phantoms ass. “u just got SEREVED” 

 

they suddenlty apapered in the cort of the underworld!!! Hadeez nuts and persepohone were 2 of the judgse and the thrid one was a sweaty elderly man whearing a suspicieously familair badger skin as an all natural organic fursuit

 

“order int he court” said hades tieredly as he banged on the judge table with a gavel made out of gold and also probably some human bones. “i hvave capitalisms to do lets make this qucik”  


“lets make this quick” perosephone repeated mockingly, rolling her eyes. “thats what u always say u fucken coward” she shoved grapes into her tiddiees and crushed them into wine which she drank off her tidides. “this justisice sistem is a sham anwyways” 

 

“arent the fates ususlly the juges” orpheus asked confsuededly

  
“fuckin union” hades snarled capitalistically. 

 

“lets call this coaurt to order’ said the badger furisuit judge “our plaintifs are raowol whats this de chsnagney, chrisnteen zendaya, and orphan, reprepsented by there attorny bara b benson”

 

“thats damn rigte ur honror” agreed bara b benson confidently with a boner. 

 

“theres nothing right about this at all” persephone muttered disassisfiedly, which is how she did everythign around hades “it aint rit and it aint naturel” 

  
“my WEED is natural” cried orpheus proudly holding up some dank kush

 

“no weed in the cortroom!” hades thundered yellingly. 

 

oprhseus embarassiedly put hte weed back up his butthole. ”la la la la la la la…….” he cried singingly. 

 

“and our defendant is erek the phatnom of the oepra who has been asccused of several counts of kidnaping, frist degree murder, illegal use of trap dors, kinkey fuckery, tax fraud, and impseronating an alpha” 

 

the jury was HORRIFIED bt the phanomts scandalous crimes!!!

 

“imerpsonating a alpha?? How dare he???!!” 

 

“back in my day we immigirated LEGALLY, none of thsi trap door bulshit!”

 

“TAX FROD?? the BASTARD!!!!!!”

 

befor the jurey could mruder him on the spot his court-appointed defense attorney apeared. 

 

“hey euriroidice” said orpheus chillaxedly “want som weed?”  


“NO I dont want sum weed u poor ass stoner cuck” cried erueuicice ecasperatedly in tears. “i soled my soul to hades and im a lawyer now”

 

andrew llwoyd webebrs shambling corpse, which was one of the jururs turned to the dead body beside him “and they say IM a hack…” 

 

“that trials not until next week so shut up” sed hades exhaustedly. “lets heer from the defense”

 

bara b bensen flexed his mightey bectoral muscles and gave a magnifiecent spech!

 

“ur attorny makes a passenate plea” sed the phabtom mockingly “but now its MY laweyrs turn!!!” 

 

but eruydice was in teers bc orpehys had played hey there dililah on his emergency banjo that he kept on his person on all times and she was sad and in lov and also kidn of hrony. in fact she was SO hornry she regreted selling her soul! “hadesnuts, perspiration, unnamed sweaty badger man, pls let me go” she wept regretfully. “im in lov wiht oprheus and i dont wanna be a cpaiatlist anymor” 

 

hades growled threatningly “and wy shoudl i giv a gosh dang frickle frackle wat u want?”

 

“i love her!” orpeuhs wept while strumming his banjo with his toes, making it a ban-toe. “dos that mean nothign? i, like, love her, man! hav some compassion my dude!” 

 

“THE WORLD SHOWED NO COMPASSIIONFRUIT TO ME” yelled hades outragedly  


“oh shtu the fuck up that is NOT true’ retorted persephine agrnily. “i showed plenty of compassion to ur asshole LAST NITE by not RAWING U INTO OBLIVION with my ALPHA KNOT” 

 

the phatnom gasped!!! “but WOMIN cant be ALPHAS??” he shouted in confuseion. 

 

hades banged his ggavel angrily and severely! “erik de l’opera u ar heereby sentenced to attend 500 HOURS OF WOMEN STUDIeS CLASES until u lern 2 RESPECT WIMON u sniveling bitch! until u becom a woke pussye eating feminist ally u wil STAY in hadestown and SUFER” 

 

“dos that mean i dont hav to be his sewer wif anymor??” ciirhristine asked desperatley. 

 

“ur free sis!” pershephony yelled triumpahnty. she shot wine out of her bososms in celeberation and chrisitine happily drank the wine. since the winne was full of perhepsephnys alpha fluidses drinking it made chisiteine AN ALPHA!!!!!

 

“o swet rauowol” sed christine crying joyfuly “now i can giv u the phat not u desrve!” 

 

“pls do!” rowowol exclaimed thristingly. he started 2 sing at her. “say yuoll share with me one knot,,, one phat dong,,,,” 

 

“say youll want me with u deeeeeep inside u,,,, rowowol,,,, thats all i ask of uuuuuuuu” chrisitne sang back at him as she bent him over the table to raw him senseless. 

 

“so can erurueidice and I go too now?” asked orphues hopefuly.

 

“NO” hades shouted irritatedly “she sold me her sole and signed a REAL LEGAL CONTRACT so she has to stay way down in hadestown FOREVER” 

 

“did soemobody say FURR-EVER” cried out a famialir young badger voice. befor anyone could comment the entire juruy was shot dead by a BIG GUN adn they DIED. “HADES” mishell screeched in righteous fury, cockign her gun at his face “WHERE THE FUCK AR U KEEPIGN MY UNCLES SOUL U SKANK ASS BITCH??!” 

 

there was a quiet moaning sound from the unnamed badgerkin judge’s sweaty skinned fursuit “ooooooooooh micheelleeeeeee. . . im rrrrrright herrrrrre”

 

mciheell gasped and tears filled her eyes “uncle corneelius,,,, it cant be,,,,,” 

 

“take the shot, michielle” conrleius wept desolatedly from across the judges back where he was being worn as a sentient, living furusit. “god rrrrrrefuses to let me die” 

  
“NO” mciheelle cried disbelivinigly “uncle conrelius……… iv come all this way to save u,,,,,, how can I hrut u now…”  
  
“therrrrrrre can be no grrrrrrrreater pain than my current existence, my dearrrr mcielelle” sighed corneliuys tragically “i have sufferrrred the unimaginiable… to live as a furrrrsuit is a fate worrrrrse than death….. i cannot rrrrrreturn to the world above knowing what i know now…….. please, my child………….. pull the trrrrrrrrigger” 

 

michelele sobbed depsaringly but she took the shot and coroenlius died with a smile of piece on his badgerly face. micelel held up the gun agan and leveled it at the jduges head “YOU RANCID BUCKET OF COCK RINDS YOULL PAY FOR WAT U DID TO MY UNCLE U SICK FUK” she scremed. 

 

“oh micelle is murder relaly the legacy ur ucle cornelius wouldve wanted for u?” asked chrisitine horrifiedly and imploringly. 

 

“ive barely made a start” micheelle snarled as she blew the judges brains out with her big gun. a signle tear slipped down her sad badgery face. “all i hav is the night…” sinc michelel was kin with padmay amigdala she died of the sad. 

 

pershepnony was tocuhed by this starltign display of the fragiglity of life and the power of lov. she getly put a flower in micheelles dead hair like ucncle corneolius used 2 to so very long ago. “hades.. we shold let oerphusus and euruidcie go” she said softly

 

“ya but he cant look at her tho” 

 

“thats fair” 

 

eruidicie kissed oeprehus on the tongue in excitement but then she frownd bc she wuz a tsundere. “im glad we can b togethter again but.. i still fel like u lov ur weed more than me….” she said biterly. 

 

it was an antirely fair and accurate assement of orpehuss’s character but he shook his head and strumemd his bango with his dick reassuringly “nah fam, weed is dank but ur 2 lit 2 quit. To prov it I wil let u hold my super special weed stash” he said solemly as he pulled 8 metric tons of weed out of his ass and handed them to euerrice. 

 

she was touched by his gesture. “u rlly do care..”  
  
“hell ya” said oerphus reassuringly “lets bounce b” so they started going out of the underworld but oerphus WASNT ALLOUD TO LOOK BACK!!! 

 

the pfhantom wactched them angstily from a distance decidid if HE couldnt have his waifu for laifu then no one can!!!! “OERPHAUS LOOK!!1! IS THAT A FREE BONG STOER??!” he yelled loudly from behind a rock 

 

oprheus turned around in delite. “FREE BONGS??? WHERE???” but there were no bongs, only the sad and truamaitized face of eurudice who was very upset by this development. 

 

“UR ERLY” she yelled accusingly

 

“i miss weed”

 

“ORPHEYS U USLESS STONER SLUT NOW IM TRAPEPD FOREVER!!!” eroodice cried upsettedly as she was draged way down to hadestown, way down under the grond. 

 

orphuus creid. “ERURICIDE NO” he wept hysterically “U WER HOLDING MY WEED!!!!!! MY WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED” but his weed was gon 4ever. . . tearfilly he walked up into the not udnerwrold without his weed or his gf. it wuz a sad day.

 

raowol comforoted him with a gentle lick of the shaft. “hey budy wanna bang me and my wife” he suggested affecitonely. “a good thresome always chers me up” 

  
“and i can make a damn good weed brownie” said christine enticingly. her entier pusyy was also full of opium too which was prety neat. 

  
“Ya ok” sed orphus cheerfuly. he let chrisitne d0ominate him and raowol with her big sexey alphaness and tey boned happily ever.

 

meanwiile int he underworld euruidice was cryeing in soprano and the pahntom got a boner!!! and also a idea

  
“hey lil sonbgbird lemme wisper in ur ear” he whispered in her eear. “u wann a do a capitalism??” 

 

she looked at him suspeiciously with uncertain eyes. “r u rich?”

 

“i hav no moral compass watsoever” sed the phantom seducitively “reprehensible swine like me THRIVE under capitalism mlady. id rob an oprhanage and also kill al the orphans and loot there corpses to get me laid. iv alredy done it twice. stil waiting 2 get laid tho…”

 

“OH TAKE ME NOW YOU FILTHY CAPITALST PIG” eueriidice cried hornily as she swooned in to the phantoms stanky capitalist hands. 

 

he phatnom wept fearufully “u dont…….. mind that im a sad and pitituful omega cuck???” 

 

“thats fine by me bc…..” euruidice tore of her cloths revealign the tatoo on her tiddies that said ‘alfalfa’ in comick sans. “IM AN ALPHA”

 

the pahtom wept hsyterically and sexily while eryuruidce pounded his pathetiic scrawny half of an ass thru his ass mask with her thicc alpha knot on his lightneing mcqueen sheets. he creid so loud it made a chandler fall direcly into his ass and he died in a tragic and patheitc but very dramatic and iconic mess of sobbing and butt stuf, as he desreved. his heart could hold empires, but his buthole could not hold a chandeleir.

 

euricyde lived tho bc she was an alpha. she inherenited all the phantoms money after he died and used it to buy weed in memroy of oeprheus. the monye culd not buy love but it could buy lots of other thigns like a diamend incrusted dildo and lots of taco bell so eurydiceicebaby was fine. 

 

hades and pershepny watched over all of this sadly as they had dirty dirt sex in the dirt

 

so it was a haoppily ever after for evertyone except that omega bitch erik and also micheelle who lost her entier family and then had to mercy kill her own uncle.that was rrrrrreally kidn of fucked. andyways the edn

**Author's Note:**

> i better get all kinds of laid for this. i expect the full fucc and succ.


End file.
